Weeknotes #29 - You can only fan the flames
Published on: Fri Jun 19
Ya I’ve definately gotten to the point where every day just kind of flies by again. I realized that on top of the work schedule, I have often been looking for external validation as opposed to internal. Basically I gotta get outside more on my own!!! The whole ankle in pain thing isn’t doing me any good on top of being sick recently :/ Have not gone to the gym consistently in a while now, but I am finally feeling better and ready to go again finally!!! I so desperately want to be able to move without pain again.
Fun things since last time
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Went to my buddies new house :0. Twas my first time there and its a very nice place! We all ended up going to an ice cream place nearby and watched David Lynch’s Dune :). Very glad to have gotten closer with my local FGC!
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Had some solid chicken from a pop up here. Turns out this chicken place was pretty popular prior to shutting down but I had never heard of it in me darn life. I did get featured on their IG post munching down on their chicken while looking so cool and melancholic :).
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Weirdly feeling super good about my hair? I thought I was due for a haircut but turns out just some simple styling makes it loook reallll goood. Thank you everyone who gave me compliments my sense of self is expanded and will slowly consume everyone.
Music I’ve been listening to
- New Quadeca song has been on rotation a lot!!! Love that the style of the song is more similar to the catchiness of his Scrapyard songs. Also the video has that body horror going for it which is sick.
Other media 🎮📚🎬
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Doing endgame SMTVV stuff now! Very very fun to run around and just finish up sidequests. The super bosses are damn hard! I ended up switching to a physical build on my Nahobino once I got Paraselene Blur unlocked. Super sick looking skill that deals a shitton of damage :) Also I wanna post some of my fave demon haunt lines because I love them so much.
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More Dust of Dreams reading! Ghost storyline is confusing but cool at the moment. Tehol and Bugg’s shenanigans are as funny as ever. Love the Perish Grey Helms so far with the Shield Anvil being a stand out. Tavore is so damn cool. Love having an actual outline of where the plot is going in this series finally, only took 9 books :).
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Started playing Planescape Torment :0 Very very compelling game so far. Love that stupid skull that follows the Nameless One around. The concept of a main character who has to find out their own identity is sick. Gameplay is very very rough, but story more than makes up for it so far!
Quote of the week
“What awaits you in the dusk of the old world’s passing shall go … unwitnessed.” T’amber’s words. They are hard and well might they feed spite, if in weakness we permit such. But to those words I say this, as your commander: we shall be our own witness, and that will be enough. It must be enough. It must ever be enough.
- Tavore Paran, Reapers Gale
Tavore’s speech to the Bonehunters resonates a part of me that I had neglected. It all traces back to watching the 12th doctors run, and his ‘without witness’ speech in the 10th season of the revival. The idea of doing something good, with no expectation of being seen or understood sounded like the ultimate good to me. That to be a truly good person, one has to seek nothing other the doing of said good action. In the context of the Doctor Who quote, it seemed so grand. Actions like saving peoples lives, bettering a community through repeated effort, relinquishing your own desires for the good of others. I would tell myself as a teen “without witness” as I worked on a school assignment until 4AM because of poor time management. Without witness meant to me that no one saw or knew what I was doing to achieve things. But we crave connection.
I love how Malazan presents the idea of being your own witness. It tranformed what I believed “without witness” meant. Again while not a prevelant thought process anymore, it still had an affect on how I percieved the world when I was younger. Tavore presents being unwitnessed as something on a smaller scale, even if it is in reference to the giant war that I am assuming is to take place at the end of this series. My own view of being ‘unwitnessed’ lies in the small acts of kindness so graciously given to me through my life. Banana milk in the fridge after school, a dollar where a tooth was the night before. It boils down to witnessing oneself, and accepting that even if the action isn’t appreciated at the time, knowing that it was the right thing to do :).
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